..survival..

..and to be honest, between Kenshin Himura and Makoto Shishio, I prefer the truth of Shishio more than that of Kenshin.



"If you are strong, you will live. If you are weak, you will die"

-Makoto Shishio-

Cruel enough, the rule of the jungle 'survival of the fittest' could be arguably right in this era.

Even in denial that the weaks shouldn't be oppressed and the idea of justice for all, it is not always right in the core of natural human society.

I am talking about natural. Not a fake mask that we put on ourself just to show that we care enough for others. But well, that's the way it is.

But in this era, the 'strong' too can be defined by the 'best'. The best in everything, or on some sort of things that shine out of others.

No one really give a damn if you failed your exam. It is your own fault. If you failed your life, no one is going to feed you. People sought for purpose in everything. That is, if you are of no purpose, everybody will discard you.

Sorry Kenshin, I am not a sweet talker like you.

I am just being realistic.

That is, what I had learned from my last 10 years of life. It is filled with misery and fuelled with anger. And also with some sort of things that unbearable to the mind of person at the same age of me. But I survived. Because I realized that the natural law will always prevail no matter how firm you believe in your idea that life is fair for everybody and should be kind for the weak.

That is how I survived.

By realizing that no one give a goddamn care about me. Unless I myself care about what I want to be.

Familiar with the story?

Same like what Sojiro Seta has been gone through ain't it?

But it is the truth.

Life is miserable and not fair. It is cruel.

It is a fact.

The faster that you can accept it, the better you will get in accepting things in your life.

I am a naturalist.

But it is a good thing though, in any way to think like the way Kenshin think. To think that everybody deserves the right to live even if you are weak. It, at least gives a hope for the weak to live. So that they in the future will become stronger. Hope, is what peoples need.

And to think that Kenshin gained survival spirit and the will to live when he was fighting with Shishio by thinking of Kaoru. By recalling that Kaoru is waiting for him, and that he must survive for his promise to Kaoru.

Somebody is waiting for me too. And I had made a promise to her to come back.

I will survive this battle, and come back again, that I will.

..glitch..

..dan ketika kepala tengah menerewang itu,

"Bangun"

"Ha?"

"Bangun tidur!"

"Ha? Ok"

Dan terkejut beruk pabila melihat jam sudah pun pukul 7.30 pagi.

Huh? Baru tadi pukul 6 pagi.

Dan yang paling dikesalkan, apabila korbankan waktu tidur, kerana kebodohan diri sendiri, yang tidak melihat jadual bahawasanya hari ini mula pukul 9.30 dan bukannya 9.00.

Dan bazir masa sekarang. Kerana sudahpun pakai baju.

Bodoh.

Saya.

30 minit waktu tidur adalah sangat berharga. Juga berharga untuk mandi pagi.

..kasanoba..

..dan juga mereka kata lelaki itu bodoh dan tidak mengerti apa-apa melainkan diri mereka sahaja. Kemudian seterusnya wanita-wanita juga kerap membuat tohmahan bahawasanya lelaki ini tidak memahami hati wanita. Oh tidak! Pendek sangkaan mereka, dangkal otak mereka, cetek jiwa mereka-mereka yang berkata begitu. Kalaulah lelaki tak memahami hati dan perasaan wanita, bagaimana boleh lelaki dapat menawan hati kaum Hawa?

Oh, lupa pula. Saya Pitt.

Dan saya seorang kasanoba. Tidak, bukan 'typo', saya betul-betul kasanoba. Kenapa dieja sedemikian rupa? Kerana saya sangat cekap bermain dengan hati wanita. Seorang kasanova adalah lelaki yang menghamburkan wang dan ruang kepada wanita bagi mempermainkan hati mereka. Saya kasanoba. Saya hanya hamburkan kata-kata. Dan hati, wang serta ruang gadis jelita milik saya.

Saya Pitt.

Malam tadi ada minah A marah-marahkan saya kerana kawan-kawannya nampak saya bersama seorang wanita lain, minah B. Dia kata saya tipu, curang, tidak telus dan dia berang.

Saya Pitt, pantang hidup saya wanita marahkan saya.

Saya marahkannya kembali. Saya bertanya pada dia siapa yang dia percayakan sekarang, saya atau kawan-kawannya. Dia gugup sebentar. Lalu saya bertanya lagi samaada dia sayangkan saya atau tidak. Dia menjawab perlahan "sayang". Sekelip mata dia berkata dia percayakan saya, dan kini giliran saya pula marahkannya kerana menyoalkan cinta saya.

Dunia ibarat roda.

Jika saya berada di bawah, cepat-cepat saya putarkannya semula.

Tidak beri peluang kepada sesiapa pun. Dunia ini kejam, dan sayalah yang membuatnya sedemikian rupa bagi sesetengah wanita.

Saya Pitt.

Minah C hantar SMS pada saya.

"Hi, awak tengah buat apa tu? Rindulah dekat bucuk ni"

Pendek. Dan juga membuat saya menyampah. Apa dia fikir jika saya sedang membuat sesuatu saya akan balas mesejnya? Maaf, saya sedang makan dengan Minah D. Saya baca mesej dengan muka sahaja dan terus delete. Minah D tanya dengan penuh curiga dan syak wasangka, "Siapa itu B?". Saya menjawab sambil memandang terus ke matanya bersama mulut bingkas senyum, "Kawan, ajak main futsal". Saya tahu, ayat saya tidak masuk langsung ke telinganya melainkan hatinya yang telah dipaku oleh jelingan tajam saya.

Oh, perempuan.

Saya Pitt. Pitt Rzeez.

Prinsip saya?

Lelaki memberikan cinta bagi mendapat 'body'. Perempuan memberikan body bagi mendapat cinta.

Tak percaya? Terpulang kepada anda.

Jika dunia ini begitu indah dan mampu diterangkan dengan lunas kata masuk akal, serta tiada kepahitan kenyataan, sudah tentu tiada masalah di IPT dan institut pengajian. Jika dunia begitu mudah difikir dengan logik jiwa, tiada cerita buang anak merata-rata. Jika dunia difikir dengan jiwa wanita, saya fikir sebulan sekali mesti perang dunia. Hahaha.

Oh tidak, saya tidak sekejam begitu.

Saya Pitt, Pitt Rzeez. Saya seorang kasanoba.

Kawan-kawan saya bengang dengan saya.

Kenapa?

Mereka marahkan saya kerana saya tidak mahu mengajar mereka teknik meragut hati wanita. Bukannya saya tak mahu, tetapi saya rasa teknik itu adalah fitrah saya, atau untuk lelaki fitri saya. Ianya adalah genetik saya. Ada dalam kromosom saya. Kromosom Y saya yang panjang sedikit dari lelaki-lelaki lain, bagi menampung informasi tambahan tentang jiwa wanita. Saya ramalkan jika di dunia ini ada kos 'wanitalogi', saya akan menjadi professor fakulti itu dalam masa 5 tahun selepas mendaftarkan diri sebagai pelajar ijazah.

Hazrul paling marahkan saya. Kerana Hazrul tidak pandai berkata-kata dengan wanita. Cis, kasanoma itu sebenarnya tak pandai berkata-kata dengan sesiapa pun.

Saya Pitt. Jiwa wanita dalam genggaman saya.

Petang ini saya akan lepak dengan Kirin, lelaki berlubang hidung besar. Dia masih lagi belum punya teman wanita, apatah lagi memegang tangan dan meraba wanita. Seorang 'looser' jika dirujuk dalam kamus hidup saya untuk makna lelaki sedemikian rupa. Saya merasakan lubang hidungnya besar sangat. Terlampau besar hinggakan jika ada mana-mana hati wanita tersangkut dengan rupanya, akan tembus semula dek besarnya lubang hidung, seperti pengayak halus guna untuk mengayak tepung.

Bulat hilang entah kemana. Keluar dengan awek agaknya. Cis, sebelum ber'couple' senang saja hendak diajak kemana-mana, sekarang macam menunggu musang jadi buaya. Bulat setia pada seorang wanita. Seorang 'bodoh' dalam kamus hidup saya.

Huzai juga ada. Masa yang baik untuk makan Pizza. Lelaki lambat sepertinya dengan rambut seperti tempurung belum cukup mantap untuk mengaut hati mana-mana gadis.

Tak mengapa, seorang kasanoba tak perlu kacak.

Hanya perlu pandai bermain kata-kata. Juga janji setia.

Saya Pitt. Pitt Reez. Saya seorang kasanoba.

Jika anda seorang wanita dan sedang membaca sihir ini, hati anda sudahpun jadi milik saya.




Rupa buruk tidak bermakna anda tidak boleh mempermainkan hati wanita(Gambar hiasan).

(Diterbit atas permintaan khas saudara Kirin)

..cicakboy..

..dan saya memerhatikan benda bulat 3 biji berwarna putih itu. Saiznya kecil sebesar kacang pea. Bujur. Saya tak pernah lihatnya sebelum ini.

Saya mengambilnya dari atas para rumah tok itu. Pegang di tangan. Tiba-tiba tok menyapa dari belakang,

"Jangan duk main teloq cicak tu"

Saya menjawab, 'curious'

"Awat tok?"

"Tak pernah orang buat main menda tu"

Dengan perasaan ingin tahu serta degil kepala ini, saya pegang juga, dan tidak melepaskannya. Tok memerhatikan sahaja, dan terus ke dapur.

Saya memegangnya dengan penuh ingin tahu. Saya suka bermain dengan cicak dahulu. Suka tengok ekornya yang meleting-leting pabila putus semasa saya cuba menangkapnya.

Penuh curiga.

Maka benarlah apa yang dikata,

'A child is like a scientist'

Fitrah rasanya sifat itu bagi semua manusia, tak kira kecil ataupun sudah bekerjaya, tak kira pengutip najis ataupun saintis.

Pabila melihat saya yang asyik dengan telur cicak itu, tok tanya saya,

"Nak buat apa teloq cicak tu?"

Saya menjawab penuh harapan,

"Nak tunggu sampai menetas"

Tok hampir ketawa mendengarnya. Namun kerana sayang cucunya, tok layan juga. Lantas tok ambil kapur dan meletakkan telur cicak itu di atas tangannya sambil menguli dengan kapur. Tok kata kapur panas, ini akan tolong telur itu menetas. Baru sekarang saya sedar, orang Melayu ini sebenarnya pandai dalam sains. Jadi memang tak ada alasan untuk dapat markah rendah dalam sains. Mungkin kerana belajar dalam bahasa yang lain dari bahasa pemikiran mereka, maka mereka dapat markah rendah dalam sains.

Balik kepada telur tadi, saya menguli telur itu dengan kapur. Agak panas rasanya tangan, tapi terus menguli penuh kesabaran. Sampai petang saya rasa saya uli benda itu. Tok kata bukannya sehari nak menetas, ambil masa juga. Maka petangnya dengan rasa berat hati, saya tinggalkan telur itu di rumah tok kerana ditegah abah.

Besoknya selepas tadika, saya datang lagi. Dan saya ulinya lagi. Dengan penuh sabar. Sampai kan tok meramas-ramas kuat tangan saya semasa basuh tangan untuk makan. Tok letak sabun dan tonyoh kuat-kuat tangan saya. Sakit. Geli baginya dengan telur cicak, saya rasa. Dan petang itu saya uli kembali telur itu. Dan saya pulang lagi dengan rasa kecil hati. Tambahan pula hari itu hari Khamis, maka besoknya saya tiada tadika, dan saya tak akan ke rumah tok lagi hinggalah hari Ahad.

Maka hati ni berasa sedikit susah. Tapi tak mengapa. Masih ada minggu depan.

Tidak sabar rasanya mahu menunggu lagi dua hari untuk melihat seekor anak cicak yang comel menetas di atas tangan saya.. Cicak dewasa tidak comel. Cicak dewasa lagi menarik dibuat panggang hidup-hidup atas api. Semakin tak keruan rasanya pabila membakar cicak itu menunggu-nunggu badannya kembung dan meletus. Jika semasa meletus itu masing-masing akan lari jauh, takut terpercik ke muka. Kalau air letusan itu meletus kena muka adik saya, saya akan ketawa berdekah-dekah sambil berguling atas lantai simen, kalau kena muka sendiri akan terkapai-kapai sambil lari menahan muntah mencari sinki, seperti raksasa di'fire' Ultraman.

Pulang di rumah ada kakak dan abang saya. Abang kadang-kadang bawa pulang gula-gula untuk saya dan adik Wan. Dan hari itu, syukur, abang bawa pulang gula-gula. Girang hati rasa.

Petang itu saya pegang gula-gula kecil itu dalam tangan sambil main dengan adik. Main atas katil dua tingkat bilik belakang. Satu persatu gula-gula kecil bulat itu dimasukkan ke dalam mulut. Sekarang baru saya tahu, rupanya 'coating' putih di luar gula-gula itu adalah gula serbuk. Patutlah rasa manis pabila masuk dalam mulut.

Saya rasa, kali pertama saya begitu berminat dengan Dinosaur adalah kerana cicak. Dan di bilik belakang itulah saya selalu membelek buku Dinosaur yang dibeli emak untuk abang. Di bilik belakang itu juga saya pernah terjumpa rangka seekor cicak yang mati, dan pabila melihat persamaan dengan tulang Dinosaur dalam buku itu, minat saya makin bercambah-cambah. Pada masa itu saya mungkin membayangkan Dinosaur itu masih hidup kerana ada tulangnya dalam bilik saya, walaupun saya terpaksa menidakkan pemikiran logik saya yang bertegas bahawasanya Dinosaur itu telah pupus 65 juta tahun yang lalu. Saya tak tahu mengapa. Mungkin kerana saya masih budak-budak, mudah sangat jatuh hati dengan sesuatu yang hanya hadir dalam bayangan kemahuan dan impian, walaupun ianya tidak logik di akal dan pemikiran.

Bilik belakang itu adalah bilik saya dan adik beradik. Saya selalu bermain di situ dengan adik. Ada katil dua tingkat di bilik itu. Katil atas kecil berbanding katil bawah. Kami akan menyusun kusyen di atas tangga katil tua tingkat itu, kemudian menutupi dengan cadar dan kemudian cuba menggelongsor atasnya seperti papan gelongsor. Kami juga akan melompat dari katil atas ke katil bawah, yang selalunya diakhiri dengan rotan dan sebatan abah atau di'ghetu' mak.

Pada hujung minggu itu, semasa saya memanjat katil itu, saya ternampak sesuatu yang pelik di atas tingkap. Tempat yang sama saya rasa saya jumpa tulang cicak.

Sambil berhati-hati menggengam erat gula-gula di tangan takut-takut terjatuh, saya berdiri di kati atas dan menginjut mahu lihat betul-betul benda itu.

Wah! Tanpa di duga, ianya adalah telur cicak!

Saya masih ingat, ketika itu saya betu-betul senyum lebar. Lalu tangan ini terus menggapai telur itu. Niat di hati mahu menetaskan seekor cicak hujung minggu ini pasti terjadi! Akhirnya.

Saya ambil telur itu. Sambil mengawal keseimbangan takut-takut terjatuh, saya genggam telur itu tidak terlalu kuat takut-takut pecah pula. Saya cuba turuni katil dua tingkat itu.

Semasa meniti tangga itu tanpa tangan memegang penghadang kerana kedua-dua tangan sudah penuh dengan 'hasil' yang mengujakan, ketika itulah saya hilang keseimbangan dan hampir jatuh.

Tetapi agak nasib baik saya kira. Tangan ini dengan cepat menggapai penghadang katil itu dan saya sempat kawal keseimbangan. Saya berjaya tangkap penghadang katil dengan satu tangan dan memegang erat. "Kata nak melekat kat syiling macam cicak". Kata saya bongkak.

Tapi malang, terdapat gula-gula yang jatuh ke atas katil bawah.

Tak mahu bazir, kerana ayah saya larang saya dari membazir. Tambahan pula hanya jatuh atas tilam, saya terus ambil gula-gula itu dan masukkan ke dalam mulut tanpa menelan.

Hasrat hati mahu mengulum perlahan-lahan, tapi gula-gula ini rasanya agak berlainan. Lalu saya cuba menyedut kuat-kuat gula itu. Belum lagi keluar manisnya. Agak bengang, saya pun mengigit gula-gula, dan ketika itulah saya melihat tangan saya yang memegang gula-gula sebelum ini masih penuh, dan tangan yang memegang telur cicak itu kosong.

Dan..

* * *
Hari itu, tok lihat saya pelik kerana tidak bermain dengan telur cicak itu. Saya tak minat. Baru saya sedar sekarang semasa menanti telur cicak itu menetas, tak semua penantian berakhir dengan kegembiraan.

Tok buang telur cicak itu.

Pabila menonton filem Cicakman, dan melihat Saiful Apek menelan air kopinya yang terjatuh cicak didalam itu, tiba-tiba rasa payau telur cicak yang pecah dalam mulut saya itu datang kembali. Entah kenapa, saya rasa, memori saya tentang cicak datang bersama rasa payau dan tawar, serta berlendir-lendir dengan sedikit krim.



Kemajuan teknologi kamera inframerah membolehkan kita mengambil gambar bersama 'belaan', terutama yang suka makan cicak

..tanya pada pokok..

..dan kemudian saya terfikir seketika taktala mendengar ayat itu, baru saya faham sekarang makna sebenar lagu nyanyian pemikir bangsa itu; P. Ramlee.

Tanya pada pokok,
Apa sebab goyang?
Nanti jawab pokok,
Angin yang goncang.

Seperi kata pepatah, 'Kalau tiada angin, masakan pokok bergoyang?'

Tapi bagaimana pula kalau pokok itu tidak wujud?

Hmm..

Lalu lagu itu juga di sambung,

Tanya sama hati,
Apa asal sayang,
Adakah tandanya,
Nampak dipandang?

Adakah kita sayang seseorang itu apabila dia berada di depan kita sahaja? Atau adakah kerana kita selalu nampak sesorang itu, maka akan timbul rasa sayang?

Tak mungkin, kerana kemudian ianya disambung,

Tanya sama hati,
Pernahkah merindu,
Ingat masa lena,
Apa mimpimu?

Masa berjauhan,
Apa nan dikenang,
Bila difahamkan,
Itulah sayang..

Rindu itu, pabila tiada di pandangan, adalah definisi sayang.



Tanya sama hati



Lagu ini pernah disiarkan dalam blog ini

..but when I look at the stars..

..and this too, one of my favourite.

Switchfoot- Stars



[verse 1]

Maybe I've been the problem, maybe I'm the one to blame
But even when I turn it off and blame myself, the outcome feels the same
I've been thinkin maybe I've been partly cloudy, maybe I'm the chance of rain
Maybe I'm overcast, and maybe all my lucks washed down the drain

[pre-chorus]

I've been thinking 'bout everyone, everyone you look so lonely

[chorus]

But when I look at the stars,
when I look at the stars,
when I look at the stars I see someone else

When I look at the stars,
the stars, I feel like myself

[verse 2]

Stars lookin at our planet watching entropy and pain
And maybe start to wonder how the chaos in our lives could pass as sane
I've been thinking bout the meaning of resistance, of a hope beyond my own
And suddenly the infinite and penitent begin to look like home

[pre-chorus]

I've been thinking bout everyone, everyone you look so empty

[chorus]

But when I look at the stars,
when I look at the stars,
when I look at the stars I see someone else

When I look at the stars,
the stars, I feel like myself

[bridge]

everyone, everyone we feel so lonely
everyone, yeah everyone we feel so empty

[chorus]

When I look at the stars,
when I look at the stars,
when I look at the stars I feel like myself

When I look at the stars, the stars
I see someone...





When I look at the stars,
I feel like myself.

..loghat..

..dan kali ini saya ingin bersikap sedikit informatif. Saya akan menulis tentang kajian saya tentang loghat Kedah.

Jika anda merasakan bahawasanya orang utara itu bercakap satu loghat sahaja, anda betul, tapi sedikit kurang tepat. Kerana loghat Kedah itu juga terdapat dialeknya. Bagi mengurangkan bias, saya akan mula menggunakan Loghat Utara menggantikan Loghat Kedah (walaupun pada dasarnya Perlis dan Pulau Pinang itu sebahagian dari Kedah)

Pada pengamatan saya, Loghat Utara itu terbahagi kepada beberapa bahagian.

1.Perlis
3.Kedah Barat
4.Kedah Timur
5.Pulau Pinang
6.Taiping

Beza di antara dialek-dialek di atas adalah antaranya pada susunan kata, tatabahasa, kosa kata, dan cara sebutan. Tetapi beza yang paling jelas adalah pada kosa kata dan cara sebutan perkataan.

Dialek Perlis dibahagikan pula kepada beberapa bahagian. Antara yang saya dapat kenal pasti adalah

1.Utara (Padang Besar)
2.Tengah(Kangar dan sekutu dengannya)
3.Barat (Kuala Perlis)
4.Kampung Abi

Dialek Perlis di sini adalah dialek yang asli. Yang saya kira tak ramai juga orang Perlis sekarang bertutur. Hanya dari sebutan orang-orang tua saya dapat kenali dialek ini. Antara beza yang jelas adalah cara sebutan perkataan yang punya 'u' di hujung menjadi 'ui' bagi sesetengah perkataan. Contohnya:

pulut--> puluit
kasut-->kasuit

Dan juga cara sebutannya perkataan lain sedikit berbeza.

Seterusnya adalah Dialek Kedah Barat. Ianya adalah Dialek Kedah yang saya rasa paling luas dipertuturkan. Terbahagi kepada kira-kira 5 bahagian:

1. Utara (Kodiang, Jitra, Alor Setar, sebahagian daerah Kubang Pasu)
2. Barat (Kuala Kedah dan sekutu dengannya)
3. Langkawi
4. Tengah (Sungai Petani dan sekutu dengannya)
5. Selatan (Kulim, Bandar Bharu)

Dan pertuturan yang saya gunakan adalah yang diguna oleh orang Jitra/Alor Setar.

Sila fahami bahawasanya Kodiang dan sebahagian daerah Kubang Pasu diletak di sini kerana di kawasan kampung, dialek masing-masing berbeza tetapi saya boleh fahami. Contohnya saya boleh faham apa yang dicakap orang Kodiang dan sebahagian Daerah Kubang Pasu walaupun cara sebutan mereka sedikit berbeza.

Apa sahaja Loghat Kedah yang anda dengar saya pertuturkan, ini adalah dialek Kedah Barat bahagian Jitra/Alor Setar.

Sekarang sebelum kita bincang tentang Dialek Kedah Timur, mari kita lihat Dialek Penang dan Taiping.

Penang pada asasnya terbahagi kepada bahagian pulau dan seberang. Di mana dalam kedua-dua ini terdapat pengaruh anak mami dalam dialekn. Inilah yang membezaka Dialek Penang dengan dialek lain. Dan di bahagian pulau itu sendiri terbahagi kepada beberapa bahagian, dan di seberang itu juga terbahagi kepada kira-kira 2 bahagian utara dan selatan. Saya kurang arif tentang Dialek Penang ini, kerana kurangnya orang tua Melayu yang saya jumpa di situ. Tapi saya sedar cara pertuturan orang-orang umur pertengahan di sana yang agak lain bunyinya.

Seterusnya adalah Taiping. Ianya adalah kawasan dalam negeri Perak yang menuturkan Loghat Utara. Ianya ada berbunyi tersendiri, tapi pada asasnya mengekalkan sistem asli Loghat Utara pada tatabahasa dan sebutan huruf.

Sampai kita pada ketika ini adalah untuk membincangkan tentang Dialek Kedah Timur.

Pada asalnya semasa ingin mengklasifikasikan dialek-dialek dalam loghat utara ini, saya hanya ingin membahagikan kepada dua bahagian iaitu Dialek Barat (semua dialek kecuali dialek timur) dan Dialek Timur.

Ini kerana, dalam semua 6 dialek utara di atas, saya hanya memahami 5 dialek, dan kurang memahami dialek Kedah Timur ini.

Dialek Kedah Timur ini merangkumi bahagian

1.Sebahagian lagi Kubang Pasu,
2.Kuala Nerang dan sewaktu dengannya,
3.Naka dan sewaktu dengannya,
4.Baling,Sik.

Ini kerana dialek di kawasan ini, sesuai dengan kawasannya di sempadan, bercampur di antara Loghat Utara, Bahasa Siam dan Loghat Kelantan.

Jika anda merasakan 'tubit' (terbit, keluar), 'bente' (papan tanda jalan) itu hanya digunakan dalam Loghat Kelantan, anda salah. Ini kerana semasa saya bercakap dengan orang-orang di kawasan Naka, itulah antara perkataan 'asing' yang saya faham kerana mengetahui ianya adalah dari Loghat Kelantan.

Dialek Kedah Timur ini pada asasnya agak sukar difahami oleh orang luar. Seperti bahasa lain. Ini kerana saya juga kadang-kadang tidak faham. Hanya beberapa sistem asas Loghat Utara yang difahami dan sesetengah perkataan. Tetapi tidak semua.




Sistem asas Loghat Utara antaranya adalah:

Cara Sebutan.

1. huruf 'r' di awal dan tengah disebut seperti huruf 'ghein' dalam huruf arab
2. huruf 'r' di hujung disebut dengan huruf 'q'
3. huruf 'i' disebut dengan bunyi 'i', tak seperti Loghat Selatan yang seperti bunyi 'ei' (sila sebut 'kucing', anda akan dapati perbezaannya
4. 'ul' dihujung menjadi 'oi'
5. 'as' dihujung menjadi 'aih'
6. Kurang imbuhan kata.
7.'al' di hujung jadi 'ai'

Kosa kata asa

1. 'yang' diganti dengan 'hat' (dalam Kelantan sebagai 'hok')
2. tiada penghubung kata cthnya:

pergi ke jitra --> pi jitra
(walau bagaimanupun di sini, saya rasakan 'ke' itu tidak atau sangat jarang diguna)
3. 'di' bagi menunjukkan lokasi diganti dengan 'kat'

Contoh Loghat Utara:

Kamu pergi ke mana?
Hang pi mana?

Saya pergi ke Jitra menaiki bas yang berwarna biru tu.
Aku pi Jitra naik baih hat wana bighu tu.

Bas MARA yang baru itukah?
Baih MARA hat baghu tu ka?

Ya lah. Yang mana lagi? Penuh orang, lemas saya berada di dalam itu.
Ya la, hat mana lagi? Penuh oghang, lemaih aku duk kat dalam tu. (boleh juga buang 'kat')

Bas itu pergi terus ke Jitra pukul berapa?
Baih tu p Jitra teghuih pukoi bghapa? (perhatikan pembalikan kata)

Pukul tujuh. Bas itu tiada hari Isnin. Semalam bas itu kemalangan. Kelmarin ada.
Pukoi tujuh. Baih tu tak dak haghi Senayan. Kemaghin baih tu eksiden. Kemaghin dulu ada.

Oh, kamu naik bas itu di mana?
Oh, hang naik baih tu kat mana?

Kamu jalan hingga ke hujung jalan, di situlah.
Hang jalan sampai kesud, kat situla/ Hang jalan sampai kepala bataih, kat situ la.

Bas itu datang dari mana?
Baih tu mai mana?

Datang dari Alor Setar.
Mai Loq Staq.
(Atau juga 'mai daghi Loq Staq')

Kenapa bas itu lambat sangat?
Awat baih tu lambat nak mampuih?

Lalu di kawasan bandar dahulu, sebab itu lambat.
Lalu belah pekan dulu, sebab tu lambat.

Jikalau begitu, bas berwarna oren/ Jingga itu dari mana?
Habih tu, baih jeghemia tu mai mana?

Yang itu bas Kuala Kedah.
Hat tu baih Kola. (bergantung kepada negeri, Kola di Kedah merujuk pada Kuala Kedah, di Perlis Kuala Perlis)

Berapakah tambang pergi ke Jitra?
Bghapa tampang pi Jitra?

Seringgit lima puluh lima sen.
Sghinggit lima kupang lima det.

Oh mahalnya. Tiada yang murah lagi kah?
Oh mahainya. Tak dak hat mughah lagi ka?

Tiada. Yang itu sajalah ada. Saya pergi dulu, nanti petang kita borak lagi.
Tak dak. Hat tu ja la ada. Aku pi dulu. Petang satni sembang len.

Ok. Nanti hampir sampai rumah beritahulah.
Ok. Satni nak sampai ghumah habaq la.

(Mengangkat tangan dan terus pergi.)
(Bersalaman sambil tunduk, penuh dengan adab kesopanan.)

( 'loghat' dalam Loghat Utara juga membawa makna 'melampau-lampau, mengada-ngada, melebih-lebih, dan sewaktu dengannya)

..swing..

..and I opened up my eyes. I took a deep breath and sat on my bed. I looked behind me, there was a boy, lying on the bed with the duvet covering his face.

I walked to the door, passed the stair. I checked in my pocket, there was a key chain. I selected a key, and opened up the front door. The cold air blew inside into my house. I can see the two Christmas tree in front of my house. It was night time.

It was very cold.

I close my eyes, and said inside my head "It is very warm here, this place is not cold"

And the cold air suddenly turned warmer, and warmer.

I believe in the power of thinking, that is if you believe in something, then thing is true to yourself.

'Believing is seeing', that is what I understood about human mind.

I stepped outside my house, walking down the 3 stony stair. As I reached the front yard, I looked above to the sky. There was some clouds there, and I couldn't see much of the stars that night. What a disappointment.

And I closed my head, and said inside in my head, "I can control my body. I can control my mind. This place is under my control. I am moving upward. I am flying"

And my feet tilted slowly into the air. As I can barely feel my feet touching the ground, I opened up my eyes. "Free my mind, I can move to everywhere I can"

"And I choose to move towards the grey clouds above"

I can feel my body flowing, and floating on the air. As I got higher, I looked down below. I saw a beautiful bulding. It was the town hall. I went straight down as fast as I could and stepped on the dome of the town hall. I jumped down,into the crowd below.

Oh damn! These were drunken people. Some of them walked towards me. I tried to dodge them, I don't want to hit them. Those people just got out of that Red Leopard or something. Suddenly one of them walked in front of me and towards me, and when he was about to collide with me face to face he suddenly just passed through me. Now I realised that I am invisible to them.

I jumped back cross the road.

The town hall was very beautiful.

I wished that my girlfriend would be here with me now.

Oh yeah, of course. I'll just go to her.

I said to myself "I am in Malaysia, the place here is warm, the wind here is nice"

And slowly the town hall began to fade, and a white building appeared.

It was the college of my girlfriend.

I walked into the college. It was the same as back in Leeds. It was still in the night. She must be sleeping.

I went inside her room, and sat on her bed. I watched her sleep.

That is, the most beautiful face I have ever seen. The face that first captivated my heart about 2 years ago.

She was sleeping.

I havent slept yet. I remembered that I was looking at her picture in the Facebook before I walked out of my room.

But something odd there, and I just realised it. There was a guy sleeping on my bed.

I couldn't see his face, but his hair was long, same as mine.

No, it couldn't be.

That was me.

I must be in my dream now.

I must be sleeping now.

No! I dont want to wake up!

Suddenly I felt something dark was pulling me back. I tried to gasp for my girlfriend. My hand was about to reach her when I was dragged slowly further from her.

No! I don't want to wake up!

No!

I can feel that I'm being drag into the air, into the dark cloud up to the sky. Very fast. On my way I can see some aeroplanes bursting through the dark icy night of the stratosphere.

I was pulled faster, and faster.

No! I dont want to wake up!

And I can feel my body was slowly pulled to the ground. I can see the two Christmas tree now. I was dragged through the door. To my bed. To the 'sleeping me'.

As my body unified with that sleeping me, I opened up my eyes.

Thousand of dissatisfaction feeling now felt inside my heart. Anger, too.

Damn. Bad dream again.

The feeling was intense. Total dissatisfaction. Of what? I don't know. It was just like something was totally wrong that makes me angry.

Another mood swing for this night.

I looked at my netbook. Somebody sent me YM.

I hope it was my girlfriend, I really hope so. But bad enough, it wasn't her.

My girlfriend already used to my mood swing that sometime present after I slept.

She would listen to everything that I say. She knew about this.

She's the only one that understood my sleeping problem.

She's my other half.

..kisah orang berak..

..dan tanam pokok pon ambil masa nak tumbuh. Apa kau ingat semua benda dalam dunia ni macam pokok taugeh? Tanam hari ni pagi besok boleh makan? Itupun ambil masa satu malam. Itupun yang kita tanam pokok kacang hijau, bukannya taugeh.

Sabar.

Semua benda ambil masa.

Saya ada satu prinsip hidup.

Orang yang dekat dengan saya saja tahu ini benda. Tambah-tambah keluarga saya memang dah hafal kata-kata keramat ni.

Berbunyi:

"nak berak pun kena teran"

Definisi:
1. Setiap benda ambil masa untuk dilakukan
2. Setiap benda punya kepayahan untuk dilakukan, jadi tak ada kerja yang lagi mudah, semua sama susah
3. Hinggakan benda paling asas dalam hidup kita pun (i.e berak, kalau tak buat, mati) perlukan masa, tenaga, kepayahan untuk dibuat, apa kita harap kerja-kerja lain yang tak asas senang nak buat?

Maka sebab prinsip ini, saya tak kisah kerja itu susah atau berat, sebab semua kerja sama saja.

Dan prinsip ini juga melatih kesabaran saya.

Tapi sebab prinsip ini, saya selalu duduk lepak dan membuat kerja dengan lambat.

Contohnya Critical Apraisal.

Saya duk teran lama sangat ni, tapi Critical Appraisal tak siap-siap lagi.

Saya rasa Critical Appraisal ni macam tahi keras.

Lagi biar lama tak terkeluar, lagi banyak air diserap, lagi kurang lawas.

Kesimpulan?

Ada kerja jangan tangguh-tangguh.

Mana semangat tak datang lagi ni!

Aduh!

..hole in my soul..

..and one classic song for some of us.

Aerosmith- Hole in my Soul



I'm down a one way street
With a one night stand
With a one track mind
Out in no man's land
The punishment sometimes
Don't seem to fit the crime

Yeah there's a hole in my soul
But one thing I've learned
For every love letter written
There's another one burned
So you tell me how it's gonna be this time

Is it over?
Is it over?
'Cause I'm blowin' out the flame

Take a walk outside your mind
Tell me how it feels to be
The one who turns
The knife inside of me

Take a look and you will find
There's nothing there, girl
Yeah I swear, I'm telling you, girl yeah 'cause

(Chorus)
There's a Hole In My Soul
That's been killing me forever
It's a place where a garden never grows
There's a Hole In My Soul
Yeah, I should have known better
'Cause your love's like a thorn without a rose
Yeah, yeah

I'm as dry as a seven year drought
I got dust for tears
Yeah I'm all tapped out
Sometimes I feel broken and can't get fixed

I know there's been all kinds of shoes
Underneath your bed
Now I sleep with my boots on
But you're still in my head
And something tells me this time
I'm down to my last licks

'Cause if it's over
Then it's over
And it's driving me insane

Take a walk outside your mind
Tell me how it feels to be
The one who turns
The knife inside of me
Take a look and you will find
There's nothing there, girl, yeah, I swear
I'm telling you girl yeah 'cause

(Chorus)

Yeah, is it over?
Yeah, it's over
And I'm blowing out the flame

Take a walk outside your mind
Tell me how it feels to be
The one who turns
The knife inside of me
Take a look and you will find
There's nothing there, girl, yeah, I swear
I'm telling you girl yeah 'cause





This is just a song only. Nothing related to me.

..hill on the fog..

..and in my opinion people are like an iceberg, floating in a cold, vast and empty sea water. So huge the sea, that it seems to be alone. People wander in the sea, trying to search for something, and try to complete something.

And that cold sea, it is not something that we can barely see with our own eyes only, we need to see it with our experience, and mind. For that cold sea above of it is fogs, covering the see in every angle that we can think. In some place, the fog is thick, while in some warmer place it is thin.

And the fog hides everything in its way. Almost everything.

And that floating iceberg in the sea, most of it are immersed in the cold water. Only the tip of it is visible. The part under the sea level, we cannot think. That is something hidden.

But still, that tip of the iceberg soon again will be covered by the fogs.

And only the tip of that tip above the fog can be seen by the eyes.

But hold, that tip of the iceberg hidden inside the fog can still be seen. Seen not by the eye of human, but by the eye of mind, and eye of experience. Of course from our experience we know that fogs hid something. And if the tip is visible above the fogs, we can figure out there are part that are hidden under the fog too.

We know, from our experience.

We too are an iceberg. We know beneath the fog of our lives, there is something that people cannot see.

Say for example if we saw a man running with smart outfit and ties on. We knew, from our experience that man must be late or in a hurry, because we would run if we were.

And if saw somebody cried, we would know that she was feeling sad. Because we too would do that if we were sad.

And going deeper into the fog, we will soon can think of the answer to the underneath question. Why somebody is sad? By looking at an elderly woman sitting alone in her rocking chair, crying sad, we might think that her husband just died, or her son didn't care about her anymore.

Oh, and ever answer that we can reason for everything that we see is just merely the answer to our experience, the answer of what we keep in our fog.

Floating in a big sea, able only to see the tip of the tip of the iceberg, that is our lives.

Living alone in this live, able only to see what people's actions and emotions that are shown from by their own reason, that is our fog.

But we always forget that under the tip of the iceberg hidden under the fog, there is still a huge part of the iceberg, the real iceberg. Massive size that we ourselves cannot imagine.

And of course we too have this real part of iceberg. But we do not aware of it. We just feel it. We cannot see it, it is under the fog, under the sea. We just know that it exist. But sadly most of the time, we forget about it.

And that real iceberg is the real people's live. The part that no one can truly see, the part that even its own bearer hardly notices.

That is the reason for every reason of our every action.

Maybe we see woman cries, and we know she is sad. And she cries because she has been left by her boyfriend. Well, fair enough we can understand that part. That is the reason for her action.

And we might too think in ourselves how stupid is she to cry because a man. From our experience, we have been through all of that, and now we are strong. We know we shouldn't cry for a bastard that doesn't even care about us anymore.

But hold! That thought that we have in our mind is just our experience that we have, it is just our tip inside the fog. It is everything that we know, it is the thing that we care. It is the answer that we can deduce, it is the guess that we made of what is inside her fog.

Is it always true?

Most probably it is.

Until the part of our reasoning towards her reason of crying because of sadness that results from being left by her boyfriend, that is still correct.

But bear in our mind, there is more under the sea. The biggest part of her, the biggest part of her iceberg. The thing that she has in herself.

It is not the same with the part of iceberg that we have in our lives.

Maybe she has been raised by accepting that crying is normal, maybe in her lives she has never been told of being strong, maybe in her environment that is what people used to do, and maybe from her experience, she has gone through it many time that she feels herself as a failure.

That is her real iceberg.

And we too have our own.

The iceberg is our experience that shapes our mind now. It is our genes that build our body to be like how we are now.

In lives, everything has its own reason. And too, there is a reason for every reason.

And from our experience, of course we can reason for every of other's people action. But still, we couldn't tell the reason for that reason.

Don't judge people from what we can see, and think.

Try to understand everyone. But remember, not everything we can understand, sometime we should just accept it.

That is, if you care enough to hear to other people's story and add their misery to your own already have million kinds of miseries. I know, actually you dont care, same like me, haha.

..stay together..

..and my friends introduced to me this song about 7 years ago.

Blink 182- Stay Together For The Kids




It's hard to wake up
When the shades have been pulled shut
This house is haunted
It's so pathetic
It makes no sense at all.
I'm ripe with things to say
The words rot and fall away.
If a stupid poem could fix this home
I'd read it every day.

So here's your holiday
Hope you enjoy it this time
You gave it all away
It was mine
So when you're dead and gone
Will you remember this night, twenty years now lost.
It's not right

Their anger hurts my ears
Been running strong for seven years
Rather than fix the problems, they never solve them
It makes no sense at all
I see them every day
We get along so why can't they?
If this is what he wants and this is what
she wants
Then why is there so much pain?

So here's your holiday
Hope you enjoy it this time
You gave it all away
It was mine
So when you're dead and gone
Will you remember this night, twenty years now lost
It's not right

So here's your holiday
Hope you enjoy it this time
You gave it all away
It was mine
So when you're dead and gone
Will you remember this night, twenty years now lost
It's not right

..still, I listen to it until now.

..otak beku..

..dan semasa saya bersendirian, atau berjalan-jalan, atau tak buat apa-apa, mahupun tengah buat sesuatu atau di mana jua, tak kira masa, saya ada kecenderungan untuk memikir, seperti anda semua.

Dahulu masa sekolah ada 3 benda yang saya sedang fikir; Teori Fizik, kimia dan matematik.

Sekarang saya dah tak belajar semua itu.

Sekarang saya belajar Perubatan.

The truth is, medic is all about facts.

And one thing that I do not like about facts is that there is nothing to think about.

What you are required is only to absorb everything turning your brain into sponge.

Take for example that VSEPR theory in Chemistry.

Yeah, its kinda fact. But one's ought to think why is that the shape of molecule become like that? And from the explanation given 'maximum repulsion between electron pairs', everyone can deduce by theirselves the shape of each molecules base on the electron pair the molecule have while riding the bus, looking through the window, cooking, bathing, and of course before sleeping!

Well of course that is only one theory, and its only in Chemistry. Not yet in Physics and Mathematics.

And of course I bet it would be a lot more fun if you take Computer Engineering, programming, mechanical engineering, and my favourite, Material Chemistry (is this the one for 'kimia bahan'?)

But let take for example the muscle in your hand in anatomy. Hell no you can deduce the name of each of that muscle by yourselves by looking at it while you are cooking! The only best thing you can do is to take a glimpse of the muscles name before you potong bawang, memorize it while your are tumising, and take a look again before you put that cabai blend.

And when you are washing that Tefal pan you are about to use to cook, you'll look at that green sponge used to put the soap while imagine that would be your brain while thinking of the lobe of the brain, wait, whats the name of each of the lobe again? Damn.

I understood Le Chatelier principle when I'm having a bath in the toilet.

I understood most of the quadratic formula while I'm laying on the bed just before I enter the dreams world.

I saw the path of trajectory, and understood the calculation while I'm eating in the dewan makan.

I saw chemical molecules in everyhting.

Well maybe the subject that I noticed in Medicine that theoritically can be think of is PPD and I&P, especially the Statistic part. But wait, do I even like these subject? What the f*** is public health? Oddly enough, in medicine I&P is the subject that I like the most. No, I'm not a weirdo.

Well mabe I think too much of it.

Well of course I do, because that is basically what my brain always do!

And maybe some of you would ask nonsensely 'Kenapa Hazrul suka update blog?', or some might noticed 'Hazrul selalu update blog'.

Well basically this is the only thing that I can think of at everytime.

My brain, like yours too can't stop thinking.

But of course, each of us thinks about different things.

At any point of given time, I have at least 10 entry that is not published yet. Its written everytime I think of something.

And some of it is scheduled to be post.

So if you saw my blog entry that have odd posting time such as at 00:00, or 01:00, you'll know that is scheduled post.

Well maybe I think too much.

I thought of it too.

Maybe its a sign that I should get married.

Owh yeah, the pressure is on now.

Oddly enough, lots of people around me lately seems like a bit crazy.

I dont know.

Maybe I'm the one that is insane.

Gosh. I need to be more serious now. I want to be Sirius.